Found postcard: Heard about your gout
Dearest ——,
—— called and told me you were having some problems with gout. One of my brothers says this is statistically proven to affect “intellectuals” and other highly gifted people (Beethoven) more than the ‘common lot’ of mankind. Personally, I think you are just trying to imitate Felipe II (who also had it) so you can get carried from Madrid to El Escorial (as he was) in a sort of palanquin!!! Sorry about not getting to see you this summer as I had hoped to, but the timing was all off! Kisses to you and ——.
Love, ——
**Cailin’s submission begins here:
Response to found postcard #1:
Holden Caulfield
I think it’s nice and all that the girl is writing to say sorry about his gout, but why does she have to be so jokey about it? You can tell with the “xx” for kisses and the amount of exclamation points that she’s trying to pass it off as not a big deal. The guy’s got the gout, and not even that, he’s having some complications with it. Why can’t she just be straightforward about it? That’s what I would do, I would be straightforward about it. I’d say sorry about the gout and all the complications. She doesn’t have to make him feel bad about her being in Madrid and everything and missing out on a good summer. That’s what I’m not too keen on in this postcard.
And what is it with the exclamation points, anyway? Is three of them supposed to mean something or signify her feelings somehow? That’s how girls always are, I know all about it. Like, she is trying to send him a message that three exclamation points means that she really likes the kid a lot, but two would only be out of sympathy, and one would be like when you tell your mom that you got an A on a test and she’s all fake excited about it when she’s really just concerned about if the chicken’s burning. I don’t know anything about exclamation points, but if she’s trying to send a message, she should stop messing around and just say it. Like with the gout, is she really sorry or not?
Her handwriting, too, just look at it. Way to make it seem like you’re obviously in a rush, I mean come on, if you’re going to say sorry about the gout, at least make it so he can read it. That’s what I say, anyway. You can tell she put no thought into the note, she’s just writing what comes to her from the top of head. The punctuation says it all, really, she’s putting in little asides in her parenthesis when she could have just re-phrased the sentence in the first place. Parenthesis and exclamation points, boy do they get me.
I think she did it all wrong, but she’s got the right idea to say sorry about the gout. And at least she said it first thing, not trying to beat around the bush or anything. But if I’d done it, I would have done it like this:
12 June ‘96
——-,
I heard about your gout and so I went and researched it a bit. The books all tell me it has to do with diet and lifestyle habits. Maybe you should stop drinking so much? Anyway, you’re not missing much in Madrid; the guys are phonies and the girls keep playing games, just like those New York girls. Anyway, I really hope you’re doing okay.
Signed,
Holden Caulfield
Cailin’s submission continues! Just click the link below:
